What Sociological Theory Speaks About Spousal Abuse?

Question by : what sociological theory speaks about spousal abuse?
why do women stay with men who abuse them and what helps them to leave the pain behind and start anew

Best answer:

Answer by wishnuwelltoo
Hurting people, hurt people. Women stay because the foundation for abuse started with her actual family, and her husband just built another level to the house her own family started building in her early childhood. Narcissistic personality disorder is 85% alcoholics and/or drug addicts, 15% they believe are children who were raised by alcoholics or drug addicts, or just simply put down by someone when they were small children. Someone hurt them when they were little and made them feel small, and that is why they do it to other people. They have to put others down in order to make themselves feel bigger. (Not that that is an excuse.) They think they are God like, Saints, with grand egos, I call them destroyers, they just destroy people. In their mind they are right and the world is all wrong, they don’t have a problem, you do. They put others down because they are bullies, and cowards. They put others down because they have no self esteem. If they are putting you down, and pointing out your flaws, no one is noticing their flaws. In their mind they think it is their job to put others down, it is their duty. They are social, and the rest of the world is anti social, they are perfect and you are the one who is flawed. They cannot and do not take responsibility for their actions and behaviors, so they will never say they are sorry, because in their mind they have done no wrong, they have done nothing to be sorry for. They can go to therapy for years and have no change in their behavior or actions, because in their mind they are saints, and perfect, so they have nothing to change about themselves. I am not really sure if they even comprehend how they hurt other people. The best thing to do is to stay away from these people if possible. They cannot change and they will just bring you down. My in laws are this way, so I know how you feel. After 20 years of abuse they are now banned from my house. While they had the benefit of putting us down and hurting our feelings, they did pay a price. They are now retired and none of their children, their spouses, even their grand children, none of us want to be around them. They enjoyed abusing us all those years, and now they spend their holidays alone. They do pay a price. Hurting people, hurt people. One thing that I have learned to do is to stop playing the blame game. If my husband goes berserk on me, instead of saying “What did I just say? What did I just do to cause that?” I stop and take myself out of the situation. I realize that his outburst was not about me, but he had talked to his father that day, or his brother pooped on him and he is taking it out on me. So I stopped taking the blame and shame and guilt for his behavior. If I did something wrong, then fine it is my bust, but if it isn’t about me, I stop taking on the poop that goes with the situation. You have to realize that when people are hurting, the “issue” is not the “real issue” You have to take yourself out of the picture and think “what is hurting this person today?” You learn this when you deal with customers, but it works in real life too. A customer can have a problem long before you meet them, and the slightest thing you say or do, causes an explosion. It isn’t about eggs, it is about a man who’s wife just died. It isn’t about a parking spot, it is about a woman who’s 4-year-old got killed by a drunk driver. It isn’t about your boyfriend, your mothers dog just died. Hurting people, hurt people. So maybe a person staying at a hotel complains about the noise in the room, but maybe the real problem is that they got a speeding ticket, someone cut them off on the highway, or maybe they are not staying in the hotel for recreation, maybe they came in for a funeral and they are stressed about that. So the ‘issue” of the noisy room, is not about a noisy room, but about the stress of a funeral. You have to stop and take yourself out of the situation, and stop playing the blame game, and stop taking on the hurt and pain and anger and guilt of others, it isn’t fair to you.

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